I dropped a ball

As a working mom, and more importantly I think, as a working freelancer, I am constantly juggling dozens of balls at any time. I have many clients, and have to keep all their issues in my head, all their tasks on my to-do lists (and I must have to-do lists!), and I have to remember to account for my time and bill and so on.

As a mom, I have to keep track of everyone's schedules, book lessons and playdates, sitters and daycares, summer camps and carpet cleaners, and so on.I live my life by the watch and the calendar, constantly trying to get everything done on time, kids to bed at the right moment, dinner served right at six, and so on.

It's a seriously difficult juggling act. And this week I dropped a ball.

I missed a key deadline. Not for a client, but for my son. I missed the Thursday deadline to sign him up for little league this Spring. And because I was two days late getting the application in, the league we've played in for two years (and I mean "we", since I've been coaching his team all this time), the one we really felt a part of, the one his closest friends play in, the sport he loves above all others, says they won't let him play this year. Somehow, if I'd gotten the application in on Thursday, they'd have had a place for him, but by Saturday, they didn't.

Now, it's not as dire as it sounds, because the league in the next neighborhood over from us is not as uptight as our old league about living within their boundaries, and their registration deadline was Sunday, and he will know a few kids from school who play in that league, and it's not that far from where we live. And they guaranteed him a spot. So he'll play there, and I will coach.

But of course both he and I are very upset about our old league. They had really made us feel a part of the community, of the little league association, or something important. And for two days, they've tossed us to the curb (and I begged, all weekend, but their exact words were "We're full. He's on the waiting list, but don't hold your breath."). I feel like I've been duped this past two years into belonging to something to which I never really mattered.

And we'll have to go back to the first league next year or the year after, because the in-boundary thing matters the older the kids get and the better they play (for all stars, etc.). But I won't coach for them again. I've been burned.

Anyhow, this bad thing happened, along with all the bad feelings, because I dropped a ball. I forgot about the deadline.

My son has forgiven me, but I haven't. I went out yesterday and bought a new wipe-off calendar for the fridge, with colour coded markers to write down everyone's schedules. And I held my first family meeting, telling everyone to take responsibility for their own schedules, and stop expecting me to remind you every day of swimming lessons and vet appointments.

I don't know how long the new system will work, especially because my husband hasn't bought into it. But at least it makes me feel like maybe I don't have to juggle everything alone.

Still, I dropped an important ball, and can't let that happen again.

Back to work in a big way

As a freelancer, there are busy times and slow times. I used to think I could predict the slow times. Summers were slow, so anything from late May to late August was slow. Christmas is a slow time, and anything after December 1 until January 5ish was slow.

There are exceptions. Some years I've had immensely busy summers. Well, one year. And a few times I had busy Christmas seasons, since I don't celebrate Christmas and agreed to work through the holiday time. But generally, these rules hold true.

When work is generally steady and busy, the slow times are a luxury. You can take it easy, enjoy the chance to shop, hang out, meet people for coffee, network, even spend time with the kids. And not worry about work, since things will pick up soon. Some lucky years I even had projects lined up to start in September or January, so I didn't have to worry about the slow times at all.

Of course, when things haven't gone terribly well in what ought to be the busy months, slow times are very tough. You can't enjoy the quiet because you're freaking out about when the next thing will come through.

Lucky enough (and surprisingly, given the general "freak out" about the bad economy), this is one of the enjoy-the-slow-season years. Summer was pretty calm, and I knew by late July that I'd have this part-time job coming in September, which guaranteed me a decent income and enough work to see me through. So I enjoyed the summer, took it easy, and spent time with my kids. Still, I was pretty grateful for school to start up again and them to head back out of my house and me to knuckle back down.

And now I have just finished a couple quiet weeks over Christmas, knowing that I still have the part time job for now, and that another contract was starting up this week. So I did take it easy over the break. It helped that I was snowed in a lot of the last two weeks and had little choice about going anywhere. But I actually enjoyed hanging out at home, seeing more of my kids (that's a first for me!), and taking it easy. I did have some work, and even came into the office for one day. But mostly it was quiet.

But all that changed this week. The new contract did come through and I have to kick it into high gear starting now. And the job is still here, and after a sit down with the President this morning, I've got a huge to-do list. Plus the project I did slowly over the holidays is back for revisions, which I must do this week.

Suddenly I'm in busy mode again. But for the first time, I'm finding it hard to get my ass in gear and put my nose to the grindstone (did I just mix metaphors?). I want to go back to the lazy mornings and easy days. I want to take it easy and not carry around the mental stress of all the work I have to do.

Alas, such is the life of a freelancer. Busy is good, because busy means income. So I'm supposed to be happy about this stage.

The only silver lining for me this week is that we're going on vacation next week. Six days till sun and sand. And all my clients know I'm going, and are working around me. Of course, such is also the lot of a freelancer. To take time off, I have to work extra hard before I go, keep on top of emails while I'm gone, then work extra hard when I return. But hopefully, I'll leave the mental stress behind and enjoy the beach.

Of course, we're taking the kids, so it's not like I can leave ALL the stress behind. ;-)

Keeping all the balls in the air

It's been a busy week. I've had to squeeze in the job (and the commute), three other client deadlines, and Rosh Hashana, which meant a day at synagogue and another day cooking for a crowd of 13. Dinner went great though, and I did make chicken soup with matzah balls and my grandmother's knishes.

I'm starting, though, to feel a bit overwhelmed. The fact that I haven't got around to blogging for more than a week proves that out. I'm worried I'm going to drop something, or forget something important. I have a large number of clients right now, some just finishing up a project, some just starting, others ongoing, and am worried I'll forget to do something for one of them. As it is, I realized this week that I have more than $4000 in outstanding invoices that I haven't been paid for yet, and I hadn't done a thing yet to chase them down (did yesterday, and am told cheques are in the mail).

It's always hard to keep on top of varied freelance stuff, but with the job, I have even more stuff to worry about.

At least, so far, all the balls are still in the air and I'm still standing.

How much do you make?

A couple workplace-related blogs I follow have had posts this week about salary secrecy -- the compulsion to hide your annual salary from everyone. I have always thought a reluctance to discuss money was a downfall of our society. What's the big secret?

Take housing prices as a comparison. MLS listings are public, as are annual assessment records, so I can easily look up how much anyone's house costs. That's a bigger indicator of wealth than salary, at least in my hometown. And if you know what someone does for a living, you can guess what what kind of money they might make in many cases. So what's the big deal?

I know, poverty is seen as degrading, and being overly wealthy is seen as elitist. But when you work in a company where you know how high up the corporate ladder you rank, why is it a big deal to know how much more or less the next gal earns?

I began my career working for the federal government, a unionized ehttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifnvironment where every job has a classification, and every classification has a salary range. So I knew how much every single person in my workplace earned. Then I moved to the private sector, where I wasn't allowed to share my salary with anyone, and no one shared with me. And I just didn't get it. It always seemed like a silly game to me -- hide your income from your cubicle neighbours.

As a freelancer, I have been open about my rates, and find that others are just as open. Asking around helped me set the right number for myself. I used to charge too little, until I started asking around, and then brought up my rates when I found others at the same level were charging more. In fact, I learned last month that I'm charging far too little for media training sessions, because I asked a couple other freelancers, so the next one I do will cost the client a more market-reasonable rate.

I'm not saying I run around telling everyone I meet what my annual income is, but I'm also not hiding it. If someone asked me directly how much I earned last year, I'd tell them. Although with all the deductions, and the whole incorporated business thing, I'm not sure I have a direct answer. I know how much the corporation made, and I know what I reported as net income on my taxes, but it's never as simple for someone like me to say how much we earn as for a salaried employee. But I've certainly got nothing to hide.

Work-life balance on summer holidays

When I had babies, everyone talked about child care, daycare, babysitters, etc. But no one ever warned me about summer vacation. I always thought that once my kid started school, my child care woes would ease. Ha! Summers are the hardest time to work around, because there is no continuity.

OK, I could stick my kid in a daycare/regular daycamp situation where he goes to the same place every day, but what fun is that for a child who is supposed to be enjoying time off from a regular schedule? No, like most moms in my hoity-toity neighborhood (where being a working mom is very far from the norm!), my kid gets to go to camps. Day camps. So each week is a new adventure. This week is baseball camp, then soccer camp, then engineering camp (I know it's geeky but he likes science and building stuff!), then two weeks of outdoors camp. Each camp starts and ends at a different time, and in a different location. It's quite the juggling act to get him to the right places. And some camps are only half days, so then I have to deal with playdates, or having him in the house while I try to work. It's a hassle.

That all said, his summer holidays usually work out to a http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.giftime of slower work for me, so I can usually manage the juggle. Because I'm a freelancer and make my own schedule. If ever I did take a full time job, this could never happen. But for now, it's actually kind of nice. I start working a bit later and finish a bit earlier to accommodate camp times. I use my cell phone more in the summers since I spend more time away from my desk. But I still haven't broken down and gotten a blackberry.

Penelope Trunk has written today about how having a blackberry gives her more work-life balance, since she can multi-task, even at her son's soccer games.

Without a Blackberry, you always had to choose one or the other. Work and life were always competing for large chunks of time in the day. But with the Blackberry, you can have a blended life where work life and personal life complement each other. What I mean is that the Blackberry makes it so you can always do work but also always do your personal life, so you choose which one has priority, minute to minute.

Yeah, right. To hear her tell it, by constantly checking her email she has more time with her personal life. I don't think so, at least not for me. When I tune out work, I am focused on my family and much more relaxed. I did nary a stitch of work while on my five-day break last week, and I felt much more relaxed than usual when I would have taken work with me.

Summer should be easier, even for a freelancer. Viva la day camp, viva la summer!

How's businesss?

Whenever I see friends or acquaintances at social occasions, I'm usually asked "How's business?", and I never quite know how to answer.

On the one hand, the question is kind of like "How are you?", a question we ask each other every day without really caring about the answer, so the correct response is "fine," whether you are or not. So in this case, the answer to "How's business?" is "great" or "fine." But is that the right thing to do?

When I was in my 20s and working freelance or on contract, I always said business was great, because you don't want anyone to think you're not doing well. At that age, one does not ever admit shortcomings. Life is perfect, just like in the magazines and in movies, and if you're unhappy/alone/out of work/etc., you'd never admit it.

In my 30s, as I got more experienced and more mature, I began to tell people that things were less than perfect. Some admissions are easy -- Raising babies is hard and I'm tired, I can't afford the home I want, I'm out of shape -- these are common social complaints that actually can bond you with others in the same situation. You have a reason for parts of your life not being perfect -- you're 30-something with kids.

But with business, it still took a while for me to admit when business wasn't great, but lately I've started to come up with better answers. Like "I'm having a slow quarter", or "I could be busier", or "I'm looking for some new projects now." I find this way the people I network with, whether business or personal, will know that I'm open to new challenges. Still, it is admitting a failing on my part, and it takes a certain ego to do that, something I only have on odd days of the week.

It can also come off as whining, I guess. I'll have to think about this one some more. How's your business going?

Why am I driving on bike to work week?

One of the best things about not having a downtown, 9-to-5 job, has to be the lack of a commute. In my city, everyone pours from the burbs to the city centre every morning, and rush hour runs straight through from 7 am to 7 pm every single workday. Ah, but in my workplace, rush hour ends when the boys leave for school, and the only obstacle on my commute from the kettle in the kitchen to my desk at the other end of the house is tripping over laundry or the cat.
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
My poor husband, drives downtown to work most days, and complains daily about the traffic. And don't I feel smug most days.

Ah, but not this week. This week I am still working on a very big project in another municipality in my region, one that requires me to go over a bridge for ever meeting. Transit on their side of the water isn't very good, and many meetings have been early morning or evenings, so I've had to drive. A lot. Today I left home at 8:30 am for a 9:30 am meeting, and just got in now at noon (ok). I'm spending more time in my vehicle this week than I usually spend in months. And this week just happens to be Bike to Work Week.

You know that I'm training for a triathlon, so biking to work would be ideal for me. And you know I've tried to squeeze in workouts whenever I can. But biking to these meetings would require a good 90 minutes each way, and did I mention that once over the bridge it's all uphill? Anyhow, it's just not doable for me. So I have been unable to bike to work at all this week. Shame on me.

At least my family is evening out the carbon emissions, because my husband has biked to his work all week.

Oh, the stress, or Why can't I turn off my brain

Yesterday was one of those freelancer days when I wish I had a normal nine-to-five job. My day began with a 45 minute drive at 7:30 am, a morning chock full of meetings, back to the home office at lunch, work for five hours straight, stop for dinner, rush kid to coach his t-ball game for an hour (at which said kid did not show best sportsmanship!), then back into car for another 45 minute drive to another meeting. All told, I basically worked from 7:30 am to 10 pm.

Then I was finally home, but my brain couldn't figure out that it was time to chill out and stop thinking. And therefore I couldn't sleep. I was up until well past 1:30 am, which I never, ever do, then up again at 5 unable to sleep again. I kept thinking about work stuff, about kid stuff, about things I need to do around the house. I just couldn't shut my brain off after using it so much the whole day.

So today I am sleep-deprived and in a pissy mood, and not getting a lot of worthwhile work done.

Remind me again why I like freelancing?

Is instability stable for my business?

I was bemoaning the up and down nature of my freelance business yesterday, when my husband said something interesting. He said, "The instability is your stability." Let's think about that.

It's true that every freelance business has busy times and not so busy times. Well, it has been certainly true for me over the last decade. I can't really plan what my workload will be very far in advance, because just when I think I know what's on my plate, something gets canceled, or moved ahead or pushed back, or something else drops in my lap that I couldn't turn down. I think it's part of my charm, and part of my success, that I take on last minute work whenever possible. But it's also to my detriment that every slow period gets me very bummed out.

Yet if I look back on my total billings for the past five years (this is my judgment period, because in the years before that I worked less cuz I was having babies), they've been pretty steady year over year, and in a good way. Even this year, when things were scary slow for, I thought, two or three months, I'm on track to do as well as I did last year. And even my month-over-month billings haven't varied too much this year.

So is my husband right? The one constant in my work life is that it's inconsistent, that I go through peaks and valleys, that these ups and downs make me alternatively depressed or stressed? I guess so. Now the big question, is that a stability I can live with?

Hmmmm. Gotta think about that one. Although I guess in truth, that's what this blog is all about, thinking about whether I can stand another 25 years of instability as the basis of my work life, in return for the freedom freelancing allows. I don't know the answer today, but I'm still young, I'll keep trying to figure it out.

Happy long weekend!

Biking to work

My consulting business has gotten very busy this month, which is great. And I think some of the clients I'm working with have potential to be longer term. My partnership is working out well too. We put in a bid for a project and we won it, so now we're knuckling down to do the work.

All this is great, but it's meant a lot less free time. Such is the life of a freelancer, of course. But when you're a busy professional and a mom, finding time for workouts gets harder and harder when your day life gets busier (and when you have to go back to the computer after the kids are in bed too!). So my triathlon training suffered a bit, until the sun came out.

We've had a lot of yucky weather in Vancouver this Spring, with lots of rain, not much sun, and here it is May but temps are still below 'seasonal', meaning the heat is still on, we're all wearing jackets and my son's t-ball games are being played without sunshine. Still there are some sunny moments, and they inspired me.

For the past few weeks, whenever I have a meeting within about 10 km of my home, I've biked. This may not seem like a big deal, but I live on a hill, in a hilly city, and there's a lot of uphill I have to bike through to get anywhere in any direction, especially returning home. But the city is also under siege by construction, so biking isn't really taking me much longer than busing or driving. And it gets my workouts in during the workday.

The best part is my wardrobe, which I believe I now have down http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifto a science. I don't want to take meetings in my biking tights, so I bring a change of clothes, but I 'change' in public. I wear 3/4 length lights and a black tank top under my biking shirt/jacket. When I get there, I change my runners for nice flats, pull a long skirt over my tights, take my biking shirt off (still wearing the tank -- see I'm never undressed!), and put on a nice top over my tank top. And voila, you'd never know I was on a bike. And since most of my meetings are downhill from me, I don't arrive too sweaty.

Last week I had a meeting at City Hall, which is on a busy street. I arrived, locked my bike on the rack right in front of the building, and proceeded to change. A driver who was sat at a red light on the street before me made wolf whistles as I changed. And frankly, I loved it!

But today's downtown meeting has just been canceled, so I guess I'll have to go biking sometime before I serve my kids dinner. Still gotta pound out those miles -- I mean kilometres.

I love writing!

I'm writing a speech this week, and it's both immensely stressful and incredibly wonderful all at once.

Most communicators like me write speeches from time to time, but most communicators hate doing it, and/or are not very good at it. But not me. I LOVE writing speeches. And frankly, I'm pretty good at it. I wish I could write speeches all the time.

Why don't I give up the rest of my freelance work and concentrate on just speechwriting, you ask? Good question. A few years ago I thought I'd try that. I hung out my shingle as a speechwriter. I told all my contacts I was looking for speech work. I networked specifically for that end. I answered RFPs and RFIs and all those other acronyms looking for speech writing services. And I got some speech work, but not enough. The reality is, I live in a city without a lot of head offices and not a lot of government -- not a capital city of either a province/state or federal capital. And those are the places where speeches get written.

I guess if I'd wanted it badly enough, I'd have networked more and better and gotten into those places -- after all, I can write a speech from anywhere -- but after six months of trying, I decided that while I still love speech writing, it couldn't be the focus of my business.

Why do I love speeches? I think I've always had an inclination for the spoken word. I'm the girl who went on vacation to New York and came back with the accent. I'm the girl who can speak four languages but not write well in the other three at all. And of course, I do like writing. I love writing sometimes. With much of my other work, there are lots of details to deal with -- emails, media lists, calls, client discussions, etc. My day can tick by without feeling like I've really finished much of anything. But when I'm writing like this, I clear my day and concentrate on just writing. My brain clicks into creative gear, my fingers fly on the keyboard, and it feels almost luxurious to just be writing.

I only have four more days to finish a keynote speech, with a lot of weighty content, so this is a big job. But I'm really enjoying it.

I know, I know, this is something I'm passionate about so should pursue it more. Hey, how do you think I got this assignment in the first place?! ;-)

Partnerships the key to freelance survival?

I've been at a bit of a loss lately since the small agency with whom I had partnered on a lot of projects went out of business. Not only did they add value to the clients I had, but they also were a source of some referrals to me. And we often combined resources to bid on projects of bigger scope. Well, another partnership seems to be forming for me, and I'm kind of excited about it now.

I met another freelancer at a networking event and it turns out we had a lot in common. Our personal conversations are fun, interesting and stimulating. And her skills really compliment mine, without a whole tonne of overlap. And best of all, she's great at cold calling and sourcing new business, things I'm not good at nor do I enjoy. And her specialty is in an area I really want to work in -- sustainability. I've had some experience in that arena but not enough to be anywhere near the expert she is.

Anyhow, it's very early days, but we are seriously discussing formalizing some kind of work arrangement that combines our skills, making a list of target clients, then going out and knocking on doors or holding seminars or something. If it worked, this could be the kind of situation that would keep me freelancing for a while longer, before I had to give up the freedom and go 9-to-5-ing. And since my kids are still pretty young, another year or two of this would be lovely.

This is the first time in ages that I've felt invigorated about the possibilities of refreshing my freelance offering. Of course, that's today. Tomorrow could be a different mood swing. After all, I am 40 now. Doesn't that mean pre-menopausal mood swings are due to start?

The etiquette of being stood up

What is the proper behaviour when you're sat at the meeting spot, waiting for the person you had arranged to meet, and the time of your meeting has come and gone. When you've been stood up, what is the correct etiquette?

A couple weeks ago I was supposed to meet a woman for coffee at a coffee shop (which is common when you're a freelancer without a downtown office), and twenty minutes after our meeting time had come and gone, I knew I'd been stood up. In this case, I had asked to meet her because I was looking for a graphic designer that I could recommend to a client, so it was in her best interest to meet me. Unfortunately I didn't have her phone number with me, and all I had was my cell phone, not even email (I know, how behind-the-times of me!) Anyhow, I finally remembered the name of her design studio, borrowed the phone book from the coffee shop and called her office. Her assistant didn't know what was up, but called me back within minutes to say the lady I was meeting had been delayed and would be able to be there in 15 minutes. So that would have been 35 minutes past the meeting time. Frankly, I had stuff to do with me and I could have stayed, but decided not to, and told her assistant she should call me to reschedule (which she did, and we did meet another day, and all is forgiven). At that moment, I was feeling like I'd look too pathetic if I waited that long for someone who didn't even try to get a hold of me to say she'd be that late (and I know she had my number that day!). Did I do the right thing?

And then this week, I had a drink scheduled after work with a colleague, one of my discussions. We'd set it up more than a week ago, so I called her office just to confirm. Imagine my surprise when I got her voicemail saying she was on holiday today and not checking messages. So I pressed "0" and asked her assistant what was up. She was equally confused, saying she didn't know any meetings were planned, and would try to reach my colleague and have her call me that day anyhow. Well, no call, so I didn't head to the meeting spot, and haven't heard from her in two days since. In this case, I want the meeting, so I'll call her today and see if we can try again.

But what's up with being stood up? Is there a proper way to say "hey buddy, you stood me up!" in a business context? I think I'll do some research online today and see if anyone has any good advice.

Monday morning up and at 'em!

It's been a relaxing weekend with the family and very little work stress, which means I need to get off my duff and get some work going now. Starting the day in my home office, once the hubby and kids are out of the house, takes one of two tones with me:

1. I'm right to the computer and digging into a project straight away, and barely pick my head up until my stomach grumbles for lunch; or

2. I make another cup of tea, read the newspaper, scan the blogs, and try to drag my brain into work mode.

This approach seemed to be pretty constant whether I worked at home or in an office. I remember one job where a co-worker would start and finish early, so when I came in he'd been there for an hour, but almost never seemed to have moved far beyond the tea and newspaper stage. In his defense though, we did work in media relations so we needed to read papers as part of our job, but not the lifestyle section.

Do you find the Monday morning get-up-and-go is any different if you're at a workplace or a home office?

Downside to taking a job?

I was at a work-type reception last night where I did some great networking as well as catching up with some friends/colleagues. One woman who does what I do and is also a freelancer, was surprised that I was considering taking a 9-to-5 job in the near future, and when I got home that night, found she had sent me this article on How to Suck Up to Your Boss. Her comment was "Consider this before jumping to the salaried world."

Funny that this was her first reaction. She's one of the first freelancers I've talked to about the possibility of job hunting, and if this article reflects her reaction to moving from freelance to a job, maybe I should give this idea more thought. My favourite part of the article:

The larger issue at hand is respecting the boss' position. This is a new concept to many people, particularly those employees who are right out of school and are used to working independently. You might try saying something like, "I have these ideas, but I will defer to your decision."

If all this feels icky, just hold your nose and remember it's about career advancement. And that's something most people can support.

I know it's a big adjustment to move from freelance to a job, but is it really this bad?

Changing my image

I've recently written about perception and trying to upgrade how I'm perceived by others in my profession. So this article about fixing your image was very good reading.

One of the easiest ways to change peoples’ perceptions of you is with your clothes. ...The world is not tracking the number of outfits you have and when you wear them. So if you can afford it, buy a few well-made outfits instead of a lot of cheap outfits. Low rotation is your best long-term strategy. Build a wardrobe of good clothes that fit well and you look like you’ve got your act together.

It's advice I've heard before, but since I've just come back from the US for a short holiday, and shopping in another city is so much more fun than shopping at home, it was good to be reminded about the kind of wardrobe for which I should aim.

Money -- how to charge more

As a freelancer, I've had good years and bad years when it came to money. The last two or three years have been very good years, with some long-term, lucrative contracts. But the last quarter has not been that good. I command a pretty good hourly rate from most of my clients, and when business is good I have no trouble naming that price. But in the lean months, I'm always tempted to drop my rate to find more work. I know bigger business call it "cash flow" or "loss leaders", but to me it's just a lower rate.

I found this article about charging more as a freelancer very interesting. It's got a lot of great advice about believing you're worth the high rate and why clients won't question it if you believe you're worth it. But the final comment was most interesting:

You’ll have a much easier time convincing clients that you’re worth it if your work is outstanding, or if you increase your potential to do outstanding work by building your skill-set and capabilities.

Part of charging your dream rates is a personal transformation into the kind of freelancer you’ve always dreamed of being.

In light of what I learned last week about passion and its relationship to money, this last sentence got me thinking a lot.

What's my passion?

I had a coffee this morning with another person, a man this time, in my field to get an opinion from someone who's been in the PR business longer than me. I've been doing this a lot, asking for input about what I should aspire to if I stay in this field for another 20+ years. And his take was a bit different than the others.

Mostly to date, I've been hearing that I'll need to take a job, either with an agency or a corporate job, to build some specific expertise and contacts. The advice I've heard a lot is that I should go in-house for a couple years, try for as much flexibility as I can but expect to work regular office hours without much time for the kind of work-life balance I have now as a freelancer. And after I pay my dues, so to speak, then take steps to either gain more flexibility from my employer (who now will be willing to make concessions to keep me) or to go back to freelancing but from a position of more strength.

But today I heard something else. My collegaue today told me that if I could find my passion, the thing I like best about my work, and become the best at doing it, I could find the money and security that are perhaps more illusive in my current freelance career. He drew me a picture, which he credits to this book:


His point was that if I find my passion and it's something I can be or am the best at, I can find the money. And to me, this says that maybe, if I can figure out the passion part, I can stay as a freelancer for another 20 years.

But figuring out my passion is easier said than done. I've had a career primarily as a generalist, so to narrow it down is hard. But I do have some ideas, which I'm going to give serious mulling-over time to now.

Another take on agencies

I had lunch last week with another senior woman at a different PR agency. She's been with them for more than a decade, and is even in charge of recruitment for the agency now. This lunch wasn't quite as flattering as the last one. She didn't think there was a place at a PR agency for someone over 40, and was steering me more towards a corporate job.

I asked her what was my best bet to sustain a career into my latter decades, and she went right for the full-time, corporate gig. Basically, take a full-time job, work it for a couple years, then either convince the employer to relax my hours for more work-life balance, or take what I learned on the job, contacts and all, and go back to freelancing.

Not what I really wanted to hear, but it's certainly an opinion I've expected.

On a brighter note, however, she did say that my career to date isn't really missing anything I'd need to get that kind of job. She gave me a real pep talk about finding the right fit if I do take a job.

I do realize a full-time job is in my near future, but I'd like to put it off for a while if I can. My youngest kid starts kindergarten next year, and I'd really like to freelance for a few more years to have more time for the kids if I can.

But when do you become "too old" to be hired for a job like that? Do I have more opportunities at 40 than I would at 44 or 48?

Keeping focused on career exploration when work is busy

I've spent a lot of time in the past weeks contemplating my career. I've had the time to do it because my freelance business was slow. Scary slow, for the first time in a couple years. And it had been slow for a couple months. I would have probably done all this navel-gazing at some point this year, since I'll turn 40 whether my business is busy or not. But I'm pretty sure I got started, blog and all, because I had the time.

Well, like all freelancers, work ebbs and flows. And this last week the ebb started flowing a bit better. Still not long-term, relax-about-paying-the-mortgage, but busy nonetheless. Which means the time left to me for blog writing and career exploration has lessened.

I knew this would happen, but I don't want to lose focus. I didn't go into this just because work was slow. I'm very serious about sorting out my career future, and want to keep at it.

I'll need to find a way to fit this in.