Ghost blogging taking up too much time

I know it's silly to have a blog then post nothing for a month or two except a self-pitying birthday note. I'm a sad little blogger.

At least I am here. But I've been blogging my heart out elsewhere for a client, and it's been a strange experience.

For my part time job (no, they haven't let me go yet), I've been writing blog entries for three months now. The association I work for is taking a stand as a third party in the election going on now in my province, and among our tactics is to host a blog and to twitter. And as the resident writer, I've been writing nearly all of it.

At first it was just another writing assignment, one that required me to think against my own ideology. My name isn't anywhere on it, and just as well since my personal politics are quite a bit left of my employer's, so I could have fun with it. Still, my president read everything before I posted it and he notched up the right-wing rhetoric and/or the nastiness a bit every time. So one day I decided to do it his way and let him notch me down if needed. It was right around the time that the party we're against had a candidate make anti-Zionist comments, which offended me personally. And after that I had a small axe of my own to grind, and got a bit more nasty myself

Anyhow, for the last while I've been having a great time blogging for them. I write pithy comments, find fun stuff to blog about or tweet, and have really loved the writing.

One of the reasons for starting this blog was to air my personal problems in a public, yet semi-anonymous way, and to talk them out loud (in print). But it was also to become more familiar with the world of blogging. Clients of mine need me to explain these kinds of things like social media, so the better I understood them, the better I could do my job. And I've gained a lot of experience about what to do right (and even more about what to do wrong). But blogging for my client these last few months, I've gained an even better understanding of how to blog.

Now can I call myself a "social media expert" too?

Twitter -- is there a point?

A friend and colleague dragged me into Twitter last week, and while I've now got 20 followers and have posted a bunch of stuff, I'm not sure I see the point yet. So people are pointing me to some links. Don't they have jobs to do that make these constant posts difficult? Isn't hearing from them once or even twice a day on Facebook enough?

What can you do on Twitter that you can't do on Facebook or email? How can it have any effect on my business or even my life? I can see how mundane it can be to see what everyone had for breakfast, but is it any less mundane to know what a blogger friend is working on before she posts to her blog?

I'm still waiting to see why I'd need this. In the meantime, I'll go tweet something terribly profound. Like how the sun is shining in Vancouver today.

Back to work in a big way

As a freelancer, there are busy times and slow times. I used to think I could predict the slow times. Summers were slow, so anything from late May to late August was slow. Christmas is a slow time, and anything after December 1 until January 5ish was slow.

There are exceptions. Some years I've had immensely busy summers. Well, one year. And a few times I had busy Christmas seasons, since I don't celebrate Christmas and agreed to work through the holiday time. But generally, these rules hold true.

When work is generally steady and busy, the slow times are a luxury. You can take it easy, enjoy the chance to shop, hang out, meet people for coffee, network, even spend time with the kids. And not worry about work, since things will pick up soon. Some lucky years I even had projects lined up to start in September or January, so I didn't have to worry about the slow times at all.

Of course, when things haven't gone terribly well in what ought to be the busy months, slow times are very tough. You can't enjoy the quiet because you're freaking out about when the next thing will come through.

Lucky enough (and surprisingly, given the general "freak out" about the bad economy), this is one of the enjoy-the-slow-season years. Summer was pretty calm, and I knew by late July that I'd have this part-time job coming in September, which guaranteed me a decent income and enough work to see me through. So I enjoyed the summer, took it easy, and spent time with my kids. Still, I was pretty grateful for school to start up again and them to head back out of my house and me to knuckle back down.

And now I have just finished a couple quiet weeks over Christmas, knowing that I still have the part time job for now, and that another contract was starting up this week. So I did take it easy over the break. It helped that I was snowed in a lot of the last two weeks and had little choice about going anywhere. But I actually enjoyed hanging out at home, seeing more of my kids (that's a first for me!), and taking it easy. I did have some work, and even came into the office for one day. But mostly it was quiet.

But all that changed this week. The new contract did come through and I have to kick it into high gear starting now. And the job is still here, and after a sit down with the President this morning, I've got a huge to-do list. Plus the project I did slowly over the holidays is back for revisions, which I must do this week.

Suddenly I'm in busy mode again. But for the first time, I'm finding it hard to get my ass in gear and put my nose to the grindstone (did I just mix metaphors?). I want to go back to the lazy mornings and easy days. I want to take it easy and not carry around the mental stress of all the work I have to do.

Alas, such is the life of a freelancer. Busy is good, because busy means income. So I'm supposed to be happy about this stage.

The only silver lining for me this week is that we're going on vacation next week. Six days till sun and sand. And all my clients know I'm going, and are working around me. Of course, such is also the lot of a freelancer. To take time off, I have to work extra hard before I go, keep on top of emails while I'm gone, then work extra hard when I return. But hopefully, I'll leave the mental stress behind and enjoy the beach.

Of course, we're taking the kids, so it's not like I can leave ALL the stress behind. ;-)

Who gets the last word in emails?

I'm in PR , and today I pitched a story to a reporter who writes for my local daily and who also has a blog. She bit and wrote back, so I sent her a document, and later she emailed to tell me she posted it on her blog, so I wrote back to say thanks and happy holidays, and she wrote back to say me too.

I've stopped the back and forth now, but who should have the last word, and when do you stop thanking someone for an email greeting?

This happens a lot, when you send someone something, they write thanks, do you write back that they're welcome and so on? Is it rude not to answer every email? But if it is, when is it okay to stop replying? There must be an etiquette guide for this kind of thing.

Anyhow, happy Hanukkah and Christmas to you all. Maybe I'll get lots of comments now wishing me the same back, so I'll comment back to them, and so on, and so on.....

The office Christmas party

Last night was my new office's Christmas, I mean Holiday party. Calling it a holiday party is silly -- it was all about Christmas, even though at least five of us don't celebrate Christmas. Whatever.

Anyhow, it was the first office party I've had to attend in many, many years, and the first my hubby had to be dragged to in many years. Mr. unsociable had the advantage though, since I agreed to be designated driver and he got to drink. I was pretty worried about the party -- I don't know these people very well, and I don't want to make the wrong impression. But at the same time, I wanted to appear sociable and fit in.

We were on a boat cruise, which while pleasant enough means there is no leaving early. We ended up at a table with people I didn't know, but older people (our office joined with another association for the party) and not the young'uns that make up most of my co-workers. Still, there was lots of mingling and mixing through the night, and I think I managed to convey just the right image in the end.

I didn't get out on the dance floor with the dozen young'uns and boyfriends, so I avoided looking like an old fogey trying to fit in. But we did a lot of schmoozing and chatting and got to know some people a bit better (especially the guy I have to buy a secret santa gift for). I had a fine time, but I can't say it was fabulous.

Of course, hubby became semi-social and had probably a better time than me. But then again, he was drinking. ;-)

Technology comfort and the generations

My baby boomer client today showed his ignorance and disinterest in all things new technology.

We were discussing how he can have more face-time (don't you hate that buzzword?!) with me even if I'm not in his office, and I suggested we can set up webcams and do regular conference calls, and he waved his hand dismissively and said "Carla, I'm too old for that kind of high tech stuff." He's only in his early 50s, but really has no clue. I'm seeing the generational technology gap first hand right here.

All the 20-somethings in the office spend a bit of time every day on their Facebook pages. So do the 30-somethings, and I admit to checking mine fairly regularly too. But this guy barely knows what Facebook is. He didn't know what Twitter was until he read an article in the weekend newspaper. He was shocked to learn about Blackberry Messenger today, even though he's had a crackberry for years and years. I can't wait until I bridge the idea of a podcast to him next month.

I think the nicest thing about working for him is that even at 40, he makes me feel so young. ;-)

I'm an asset now that my childbearing years are over

When I was in discussions for my part time job, one of the guys said they liked the fact that I'm done having kids, since I won't be taking any more maternity leaves on their employ. At the time I didn't think much of it, but now that I'm here, I see his point.

I look around this office of about 20 people and there are about 10 women here who are expected to have a baby sometime in the next five years. Seriously. Imagine the turmoil when that starts happening!

The work here, outside of management jobs like mine and a few others, is mainly administrative, so there are a lot of women here between 25-35. A bunch of them are married, young, and three just bought their first homes last month. Three! They've all talked about "when I have kids" so you know it's on their minds.

So here we have it, another reason why a Gen Xer is an asset to a workplace -- my childbearing years are behind me! (and before you flame me telling me that women in their 40s have kids a lot, I know that, but I personally am done with having babies, and find that most women of 40 are also putting those years behind them.)

I wonder if Gen Y will be very different parents than us, especially when it comes to work-life balance? Hmmmmm

It's an old boys club -- but I don't mind

My part time job is for a construction assocation, so it should come as little surprise that there are a lot of 'good old boys' around here. Not really on staff, because most of the work is administrative, which means that most of our staff are under 30 and ethnically diverse. But the background players, the power brokers, and the president and vice, the two staff with whom I interact the most, are definately in the 'old boys' vein.

There's a lot of swearing, and not a lot of genteel language when we three sit down to chat, which seems to be most workdays that I'm in the office.

But I find I don't mind. And I find that fact surprising. I've spent most of my career dealing with language, and I actually find it pretty refreshing to be able to use four letter words, in context only, when I want to. And there's nothing degrading or derogatory in the banter with these guys. If anything, it's honest and respectful, in a sometimes joking kind of way.

I think the reason I'm comfortable with the environment is that it doesn't feel exclusionary -- I fit in when we talk in that manner. And the fact that they include me in their usual manner, makes me feel more a part of things here. Whodathunk I'd be happy about an old boys style of work?

Cake in the workplace

Today is an office day, so I'm at the client's, and I can't get over how much cake there is. Between meeting left overs, staff birthdays, and other stuff, people bring in a lot of cake.

Today alone, there was a box of donut holes to celebrate one twentysomething's birthday, leftover muffins from a morning meeting, and half a Costco cake one person brought in because it was left over from her kid's birthday party yesterday.

This office thing is not good for my waistline!

Tethered to my email, or how I'm growing to love my blackberry

For many, many years now I've refused to buy a blackberry, or really any device beyond a cell phone that forced me to be on constant call. I spend enough time at my computer, since it's my home and work station, and enough time by my phone (ditto on the home and work front), so I didn't need to be alerted to every email all the time.

Of course, now that I'm out of the home office two days a week, I do need a better way to access my email, other than webmail. I have a lot of concerns about having my personal or other clients' stuff crossing my employer's server, what with all the concerns about lack of privacy and employee monitoring.

So I've done it. I've bought myself a blackberry. Of course, I chose the cute pink one. And yes, it vibrates every time I get an email. But it's also a decent cell phone, and I don't have to worry that I'm missing important stuff during my hour-long commute or when I play hookey from work (like this morning when I spent three hours at my sons' schools talking about Jewish New Year to their classes).

The big question is, though, will I become one of those people who checks her blackberry all the time, like at the dinner party, or at the movies, or during lunch meeting? I hate those people. God, I hope I don't become one!

All my coworkers are Gen Y

When you work in an office, birthdays are celebrated. In my new office, it seems they usually pass a card for signatures, unless it's a "big" birthday, in which case there is more. This week, the office manager turned 30, so we celebrated with cake and champagne, and a bit of socializing.

There are only about 15 or 20 people (haven't met everyone yet!) who work here, and most of them were in the room for champagne. Talk came around to whose "big" birthday would be next, and eventually it came out how old just about everyone is. Turns out more than half the women are under 30. A few of the women and a few men are in their early to mid 30s. And one woman will turn 40 later this year.

Then there's me.

Granted, there are two senior people who work here who were out of town that day -- my boss, the President, who is in his 50s, and the VP of operations, who is 46. But man, it was a huge shock to find myself in the minority, and to find that I was the oldest person in the room.

That said, it didn't make me feel old, too much. More it was a surprise to be on this side of the dividing line. My previous office jobs in the past decade were government, where there are a LOT of baby boomers, so I was always on the young side of the line before.

I guess the good thing about being on the older people side is that it kind of reinforces the seniority I bring to my job. I want to be seen as a higher up, a senior staffer, so I guess being older helps with that impression.

But man, I need to learn more about Gen Y now.

Unemployment benefits for the self-employed

My apologies for silence the last ten days. I know both my followers must miss my posts. I do mean to do this more often, but starting the job, settling the kids into regular activities and clearing up other work has left me stressed, then ill (now getting over the cold/flu), and very time crunched. Still no excuse, hence the catch up this week.

Via Darren I read about a campaign promise in the current Canadian election by the ruling Conservative party to implement employment insurance for self-employed people. I guess the main point of it is to provide maternity/parental benefits to those of us not currently eligible because we work for ourselves.

Interesting thought. Yes, it would be great to get some benefits for maternity leave. But the maximum benefit you can get is about $415 a week, which is then taxed. I know for some people that's a significant sum of money over several months, but are those people self-employed? I had a friend go back to work because her benefits were running out, but once she paid for child care, the financial difference between working and not working was less than $500 a month.

I guess I was lucky, because I had the best of both worlds. With my first child, I had worked at a job part time that ended six months before the baby was born, but under the EI rules I qualified for maximum benefits. Which was nice, but frankly working part time I made more than the benefit amount, so I wound up refusing benefits most weeks (you have to report earnings and if you earn more than a certain amount, they don't pay you). The second baby for me I had no benefits, and yes, I started back a bit earlier than with the first, but it didn't make a lot of difference to me.

So are there a lot of self-employed people in their 20s and 30s who would benefit from EI? Am I being elitist to think every self-employed person would turn up their nose at $1200 a month, in return for paying in for at least six months before that?

Men in traditional female occupations

My kids went back to school yesterday, and once the parent party was over, I noticed how very few male teachers there are in my school. I think this is pretty common around North America, especially at elementary schools.

Is this a function of our paranoid society, where every man is seen as a possible abuser and women are seen as more nurturing? Is that why men teach at high school but not so much at elementary?

The sad part is I believe boys need male role models at the younger grades. I haven't done any scientific research, but is it possible boys feel a little alienated in the classroom because girls can identify with the teacher better?

Luckily for my kids, we have had some male teachers. Not in the classroom, but at daycare and after-school care. Even at the toddler stage, my boys had at least one male teacher -- very rare for ECE (early childhood education). They had two male teachers in the 3-5 year old group at daycare. And there was a male teacher at my older son's aftercare his first year (an aboriginal, disabled male to boot!), who was an amazing guy and super role model.

And today, I learned that my younger son's kindercare teacher (in my province, kindergarten is only 2 1/2 hours a day. The rest of the school day I pay for kindercare, then aftercare. It's all run at our school by the YMCA, and it's a great program, but it costs me.), with whom he'll spend more time than his female kindergarten teacher, is a man. And a Gen Y, manly looking guy to boot. I'm pretty pleased.

So why aren't men teaching young kids?

Invading my space

It's the last week of summer holidays, although judging by all the rain today it's hard to tell what season we're in. Next week the kids go back to school full time and hopefully my husband will get back to his regular working hours (although having had most of the month off with someone else covering all his work, I worry he won't go back or will try to go back for just some of it. This worries me in part because we do need his income, and he has no plan to do anything else. Also because when he's not at work, he's at home, in my space.), and it can't come fast enough for me.

I know I'm about to start a part time job, with two days at an office outside of home, but the other days I want my house back. All summer I've wanted my house back. This isn't just a housewife complaining that her family is underfoot, although that's part of it. But this is my workplace, and I'm sick of my family taking it away from me.

I don't have a real office in our house. I have a nook, kinda carved out with a bookcase for a bit of privacy, but basically my workspace is in the playroom. So everyone is always in here when they're home. When I'm home alone, it's a lovely spot to work. It's central so I don't feel jammed into the basement, I have a huge window right at my desk so I can watch the birds on the backyard feeders. And it's bright and cheery.

But when someone else is home, I feel invaded, no matter how quiet they are. And this summer, between half-day camps, days off and my husband being home this whole month, I have felt very invaded. It's not just that I can't concentrate on work. If that were the only issue I'd unplug my laptop, grab my cordless phone and go to my bedroom where I can shut the door and have some quiet. Thank goodness for wireless internet.

But it's more than that. I see the whole house as my office, not just my workspace, so when someone else is here, it's a loss of privacy. I know they're my family and they live here too, but I just feel, well, invaded. I can't wait until we settle back down into a regular routine next week.


Yeah, back to school!!!

Wasting time at work, Free Slurpee Day

I am doing some promotion for a client that wants to give away money, and in addition to promoting them via media relations, I did some social media promotion too. I messaged everyone relevant on my Facebook and LinkedIn contact lists, and got some bloggers to post it. Before I tell the rest of my tale, the "it," which by the way is pretty Vancouver-area-specific, is:

I'm helping Metropolis at Metrotown give away money. They have a community fund which has raised $200,000 in the past couple years -- the money is from their Metropolis Express, the little ride-on train that runs around the main floor of the mall, and they've given grants to 20 non-profits in Burnaby. But the fund has grown big enough that they want to expand the region to which they'll give grants.

To that end, I'm trying to spread the word to non-profits in New Westminster or East Vancouver that they can apply for money from the community fund. All the rules and application forms are available here.

Anyhow, one of my contacts on LinkedIn wrote that she had forwarded my message to a contact at a relevant charity, but that my message sent her to LinkedIn where she updated her profile, looked around a bit, and other time wasters. And then she asked, probably jokingly, if I had any more stuff she could do to avoid working.

We all spend time reading blogs, newspapers, surfing, etc., which feels like work, but is really not getting any client-related stuff accomplished. So I have another one for my buddy and everyone else, but one that necessitates leaving your desk on Friday.

This Friday in Canada (and I think the US too) is Free Slurpee Day. If you don't know what a Slurpee is, imagine all the ice and sugar you can drink -– although I think the free ones are small. Oh, and Friday is also the day that the iPhone comes to town, but with the yucky pricing plans, I'm more excited about the Slurpees.

Work-life balance on summer holidays

When I had babies, everyone talked about child care, daycare, babysitters, etc. But no one ever warned me about summer vacation. I always thought that once my kid started school, my child care woes would ease. Ha! Summers are the hardest time to work around, because there is no continuity.

OK, I could stick my kid in a daycare/regular daycamp situation where he goes to the same place every day, but what fun is that for a child who is supposed to be enjoying time off from a regular schedule? No, like most moms in my hoity-toity neighborhood (where being a working mom is very far from the norm!), my kid gets to go to camps. Day camps. So each week is a new adventure. This week is baseball camp, then soccer camp, then engineering camp (I know it's geeky but he likes science and building stuff!), then two weeks of outdoors camp. Each camp starts and ends at a different time, and in a different location. It's quite the juggling act to get him to the right places. And some camps are only half days, so then I have to deal with playdates, or having him in the house while I try to work. It's a hassle.

That all said, his summer holidays usually work out to a http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.giftime of slower work for me, so I can usually manage the juggle. Because I'm a freelancer and make my own schedule. If ever I did take a full time job, this could never happen. But for now, it's actually kind of nice. I start working a bit later and finish a bit earlier to accommodate camp times. I use my cell phone more in the summers since I spend more time away from my desk. But I still haven't broken down and gotten a blackberry.

Penelope Trunk has written today about how having a blackberry gives her more work-life balance, since she can multi-task, even at her son's soccer games.

Without a Blackberry, you always had to choose one or the other. Work and life were always competing for large chunks of time in the day. But with the Blackberry, you can have a blended life where work life and personal life complement each other. What I mean is that the Blackberry makes it so you can always do work but also always do your personal life, so you choose which one has priority, minute to minute.

Yeah, right. To hear her tell it, by constantly checking her email she has more time with her personal life. I don't think so, at least not for me. When I tune out work, I am focused on my family and much more relaxed. I did nary a stitch of work while on my five-day break last week, and I felt much more relaxed than usual when I would have taken work with me.

Summer should be easier, even for a freelancer. Viva la day camp, viva la summer!

How's businesss?

Whenever I see friends or acquaintances at social occasions, I'm usually asked "How's business?", and I never quite know how to answer.

On the one hand, the question is kind of like "How are you?", a question we ask each other every day without really caring about the answer, so the correct response is "fine," whether you are or not. So in this case, the answer to "How's business?" is "great" or "fine." But is that the right thing to do?

When I was in my 20s and working freelance or on contract, I always said business was great, because you don't want anyone to think you're not doing well. At that age, one does not ever admit shortcomings. Life is perfect, just like in the magazines and in movies, and if you're unhappy/alone/out of work/etc., you'd never admit it.

In my 30s, as I got more experienced and more mature, I began to tell people that things were less than perfect. Some admissions are easy -- Raising babies is hard and I'm tired, I can't afford the home I want, I'm out of shape -- these are common social complaints that actually can bond you with others in the same situation. You have a reason for parts of your life not being perfect -- you're 30-something with kids.

But with business, it still took a while for me to admit when business wasn't great, but lately I've started to come up with better answers. Like "I'm having a slow quarter", or "I could be busier", or "I'm looking for some new projects now." I find this way the people I network with, whether business or personal, will know that I'm open to new challenges. Still, it is admitting a failing on my part, and it takes a certain ego to do that, something I only have on odd days of the week.

It can also come off as whining, I guess. I'll have to think about this one some more. How's your business going?

Why am I driving on bike to work week?

One of the best things about not having a downtown, 9-to-5 job, has to be the lack of a commute. In my city, everyone pours from the burbs to the city centre every morning, and rush hour runs straight through from 7 am to 7 pm every single workday. Ah, but in my workplace, rush hour ends when the boys leave for school, and the only obstacle on my commute from the kettle in the kitchen to my desk at the other end of the house is tripping over laundry or the cat.
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My poor husband, drives downtown to work most days, and complains daily about the traffic. And don't I feel smug most days.

Ah, but not this week. This week I am still working on a very big project in another municipality in my region, one that requires me to go over a bridge for ever meeting. Transit on their side of the water isn't very good, and many meetings have been early morning or evenings, so I've had to drive. A lot. Today I left home at 8:30 am for a 9:30 am meeting, and just got in now at noon (ok). I'm spending more time in my vehicle this week than I usually spend in months. And this week just happens to be Bike to Work Week.

You know that I'm training for a triathlon, so biking to work would be ideal for me. And you know I've tried to squeeze in workouts whenever I can. But biking to these meetings would require a good 90 minutes each way, and did I mention that once over the bridge it's all uphill? Anyhow, it's just not doable for me. So I have been unable to bike to work at all this week. Shame on me.

At least my family is evening out the carbon emissions, because my husband has biked to his work all week.

Is instability stable for my business?

I was bemoaning the up and down nature of my freelance business yesterday, when my husband said something interesting. He said, "The instability is your stability." Let's think about that.

It's true that every freelance business has busy times and not so busy times. Well, it has been certainly true for me over the last decade. I can't really plan what my workload will be very far in advance, because just when I think I know what's on my plate, something gets canceled, or moved ahead or pushed back, or something else drops in my lap that I couldn't turn down. I think it's part of my charm, and part of my success, that I take on last minute work whenever possible. But it's also to my detriment that every slow period gets me very bummed out.

Yet if I look back on my total billings for the past five years (this is my judgment period, because in the years before that I worked less cuz I was having babies), they've been pretty steady year over year, and in a good way. Even this year, when things were scary slow for, I thought, two or three months, I'm on track to do as well as I did last year. And even my month-over-month billings haven't varied too much this year.

So is my husband right? The one constant in my work life is that it's inconsistent, that I go through peaks and valleys, that these ups and downs make me alternatively depressed or stressed? I guess so. Now the big question, is that a stability I can live with?

Hmmmm. Gotta think about that one. Although I guess in truth, that's what this blog is all about, thinking about whether I can stand another 25 years of instability as the basis of my work life, in return for the freedom freelancing allows. I don't know the answer today, but I'm still young, I'll keep trying to figure it out.

Happy long weekend!

Boring meeting game

Via FreelanceSwitch, I found a great game to play in boring meetings. Since I've just taken on a new project that involves a lot of meetings, I've decided to learn the rules but adapt them (tongue in cheek) to my meeting experience:

Game: Phrases that should have stayed behind in the 80s.

Stuck in a meeting for hours? Finding staying awake and alert a problem?
Keep alert by playing: ‘spot the meeting cliché’

How to score:

Score two points for a meeting attendee for each phrase uttered from the list below, double points if two phrases are used in the same sentence.

• On the same page
• Take offline
• Think outside the box
• Talk me through it
• Blue sky
• Best practice
• Singing from the same songsheet
• Paradigm
• Moving the goalposts
• At the end of the day
• Comfort zone
• Win-win situation
• Rock the boat
• Core competency
• Action item
• Touch base
• Synergy

Two extra points allocated for any or all of the following: Ponytails on men, crumpled linen jackets, bow ties, PowerPoint presentations including graphs, flip charts, socks in colours other than standard grey, black or navy, more than 4 x blackberrys on the table at any one time.

2 – 8 points: generally allowable, though cliché sources should be treated with disdain

8 - 12 points: approaching a high level of bullshit and waffle. Put your head in your hands whenever he/she talks.

12+ points: cliché alert. Have the speaker run for Head of State, CEO of a global corporate or establish an internet start-up company.

Now I'm actually looking forward to my meeting later this afternoon just to play!